Just when you thought that everything that could be said and done with the proverbial Frankenstein story, along comes the silliest and funniest version of them all. College science nerd, Victoria F. Stein, whose I.Q. is higher than her batting average in finding personal happiness with a man, is very close to ending it all. When her best friend and only confidant, another bespectacled and lonely college student named Susie De Lay (yes, that’s her real name), suggests a devilish plan after reading the diaries of Victoria’s great grandmother, the Baroness Von Frankenstein. “Why not create the perfect boyfriend, with all the qualities you like in a guy, and none that you don’t like.” Susie volunteers “to help in any way possible.”

Susie takes notes as Victoria creates her wish list. “Tall, but not too tall. Blue eyes and black hair. Nice build but not to muscular or hairy. A really nice…..personality.” They both laugh because Victoria is talking about a body part and they both understand her euphemism. “But not too BIG!?

Spare parts have always been the problem for the Frankenstein family, and getting into trouble while procuring (sorry about that word) them has always created problems for them. After several unsuccessful attempts to build a man from “human surplus” Victoria decides to take a modern approach, to “grow” the perfect man in the laboratory. The key word being “grow.” But is this possible scientifically, and how will she know when the man is perfect. “It’s like brewing a perfect cup of tea…you need to know when to take out the tea bags,” her grandmother used to say. Susie warns her, “anything worthwhile is going to be hard.” Victoria quips, “I second that motion.” Victoria, ever the professional, reminds them that this is serious, and they cannot fail.

They must first gather DNA from all the men to whom Victoria is attracted or whose qualities she admires. Susie De Lay volunteers to “keep them busy” while Victoria grabs a hair or skin sample Finally, our team has all the “ingredients” needed to create the perfect man in a petri dish. “This must be done delicately, or we could wind up with real monster,” Victoria warns her team, little knowing what she’s about to let loose in the world, and in her bedroom. Needless to say, all does not go according to plan, but what did you expect?

As “the man” emerges from the cocoon in which he grows to perfection, he looks across the room at Victoria. She takes off her classes, revealing how pretty she really is, and reaches out her hand to him. They move toward each other in slow motion like in a Valentine’s Day flower commercial. Susie stands to one side, so pleased that her good friend will finally be satisfied by her man and her life. But then something unforeseen happens. The man brushes past Victoria, and grabs Susie in his arms, and carries her off, despite her somewhat feeble attempts (okay, none) to free herself from his grasp. Victoria bursts into tears, and collapses to the ground.

Walking alone on campus, she runs into a guy who’s in one of her science labs. Both are busy texting and literally crash into each other. The ugly scotch-taped glasses he normally wears fall to the ground and shatter, and Victoria looks at him in a new way. When she takes off her glasses, Victoria’s face shines with an amazing inner beauty. Squinting at each other, they make a connection. So, you see, some Frankenstein stories have a happy ending!

Back in Susie’s dorm room, she and “the hot guy monster” have just finished making love for the umpteenth time. When she looks up at him, she says, “Well, you prove that there are definitely benefits to a good college education. We don’t we give it the old college try? The door closes to the sounds of Susie squealing with delight, sounds that echo and can be heard all over the campus.

Premiere In The News

See our News page for a side-by-side comparison of some original and restored footage from The Prince and the Pauper done by Premiere Pictures.


Premiere Pictures International
P.O. Box 427418
San Francisco, CA 94142-7418
Tel 415-829-8859
e-mail: ron@indieplex.org

Ron Merk
66 Ninth Street #1009
San Francisco, CA 94103
Tel 415-829-8859
e-mail: ron@indieplex.org